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The Spinster House

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New Member Here [Feb. 28th, 2006|08:29 pm]
The Spinster House



YAY for the Spinster House!! I love it!

I found it in a pre-Valentine's Day frenzy & terror & it brightened up my day!

Why indeed the idea that women would have to get married at any cost?
I told that to my Dad when I was 12 or so, arguing that a woman CAN be happy otherwise too (we had an extremely cool Chemistry teacher, who was 40-ish, and single) and he retorted angrily with 'Who will want you anyway?'

He implied my temper, character, my whole personality... my whole being... ME... just wasn't 'good enough' or was too 'difficult'. He had three older sisters and apparently felt threatened by dominant woman (his marrying one didn't seem to help much either). Of course, I know that now. I didn't then.
I thought I was really a horrible person and would never get a man.

Why do men feel threatened by the idea of (happily) single women?
The whole culture seems to be so against the notion.
In the old days, unmarried aunts etc. were important members of a family, taking care of kids... helping at the farm... But they had an extremely low status, mostly. Much like that of (poorly paid) maidservants. Nowadays it isn't necessarily so, but still...

Of course, now he denies ever saying a thing like that.
And regrets not having grandchildren, or a son-in-law.
Recently this came up, and I said, 'Well, I believed you.' Kids believe so many stupid things they hear from their parents, or teachers, or other grown-ups.

Seeing what fun marriage seemed to be to my always-quarrelling parents & getting my first boyfriend critisised & rejected thoroughly didn't help much either.

I'm still learning to not believe what he said. As if a good man were a 'reward' after you learnt to be 'almost perfect' or at least happy with your life and comfortable in your skin.
And then you see the kind of women that do get (good) men!! Aargh!! Ah well...

Looking forward to learning a lot from you fellow spinsters!! ;)

Hope you've had a fun day!

[User Picture]From: sirenoftitan619
2006-03-01 06:36 am (UTC)
Oh, insecurity at its finest.

See, I had the opposite issue though. I had my mother telling me from a veeery young age that there was absolutely no cause to get married, and that if I ever decided to, she would be the first to stand up and object. My grandmother of course was, and still is part of the faction of "getting married is the Christian thing to do", and that not wanting kids makes me "mean".

Go figure. Families are funny things. The male figures in the family try and stay out of the mess, probably because they know I'd maim them if they tried to push the marriage envelope.

I personally think that it is very possible for a woman to be single and happy, and that the only reason more people don't accept the idea is that it's such a strongly ingrained cultural normality, that any deviation from the idea is a perversion and should thus be discouraged. Men must know that given full freedom, women would quickly strip them of their power, and they're scared to death of the fact. They don't need to play protector anymore. Women are perfectly capable of filling the role, pushing men into uselessness. Uselessness is powerlessness. And they know it.

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