I saw this community and I thought "FINALLY!!!" I joined so I can vent a bit, find some support, join like-minded females, and help breathe some new life into this place.
I suppose I'm not a true spinster in the traditional definition of the word; I'm still in my early 20's, but I do have a spinster mentality. I don't have a boyfriend, haven't had one in over a year, and probably won't have one for a very, very, long time (if ever). And marriage is something that's as likely right now as hell freezing over and pigs flying. Plus I've only had one boyfriend my entire life and that disaster lasted only 2 months. I did the dating thing till I hated it because time after time, I kept crossing paths with immature boys, superficial men, control freaks, assholes, frat boys, and just all around psychos. I'm just so tired of men and of people thinking there's something wrong with me because a girl like me "should at least have a boyfriend."
I never approach dating or guys in general the same way the majority of females out there do. I thought people put way too much importance in all the superficial things and were way too immature to even be in a relationship. That's why I'm starting to embrace the spinster lifestyle. I once fell for the whole "you have to get a boyfriend" B.S. and that literally nearly drove me crazy. Just because I didn't have someone, I thought there's something very wrong with me. Maybe I wasn't skinny enough, pretty enough, smart enough, which was all very untrue (people tell me that I should get into modeling, so I can't be hideous looking or be anywhere near overweight). I kept beating myself up mentally for every mistake I made, for every extra calorie I ate, and for every little thing you can possibly think of. It was my fault, my flaws, that prevented me from finding someone. And then I realized why I wasn't finding anyone: because I'm not like other girls and thank God for that! I don't want a guy just because he has a nice car. I don't care to be with the muscle-bound guy, the guys who flashes his money to the world, or the male model. I'm not a girl to go out to clubs to get drunk and have a one-night stand then think to herself what great fun that was and do it all over again the next weekend. I'm not insecure, nor bitchy, or jealous. I'm Me.
People used to tell me that I intimidate men and that I should tone things down a bit. I should "quit being so up-tight and have a few drinks at a club". I should "smile more and be more flirtatious with guys". "Try not being so picky, the man you want doesn't exist" (then I shall exist without a man!). And "it would be much better if I didn't wear such nice clothes but dress like other girls in jeans and t-shirt and flip flops". That last bit is what pushed me into the spinster territory: Why the hell do I have to dress like someone I'm not to get a guy? I'm very much into fashion and if that scares guys then I'm better off alone. Its something I love, its a passion of mine and for people to tell me to give that up to get a guy is ludicrous to me.
I will admit, I do have my moments when I feel sad about not having someone while I see other skanky/dumb/immature/bitchy/holy-crap-that-has-a-boyfriend kind of girls in relationships. I am new to the spinster world so I do have my ups and downs, but as time goes by I realize how much happier I am to be on my own and strong. And thank God my parents don't mind the idea. They realize I'm different then other girls and that the men out there are mostly horny, idiotic dogs. Plus if they can celebrate and support my brother for being a bachelor, why shouldn't they be supportive of me for being a spinster? I'm glad for their support even though we come from a culture where at 25 yrs old, an unmarried female is considered "old, stale cake." So I have two years to go before I get to be an old cake! Bring it on!